I'm probably going to get into trouble for this...

I write today through a fuzzy flu infested head, wrapped in a duvet and clutching a cup of med-lemon. My fellow cadets are on their way to a book launch on the subject of democracy by now... I will therefore try and be intellectual from afar. I am probably going to get into trouble for this, but since my fellow cadet Neo keeps telling us 'nobody should apologise for having an opinion', here goes.

You see I have finally found a blog that I can't live without. It is called Thought Leader . The website is actually a series of blogs by a number of insightful, funny or influential South Africans. The reason I can't live without it is that I enjoy seeing many of the issues we try to hash out in the cadet school discussed here with far more eloquence and maturity than we muster in our excitable, naive forum.

This last few weeks have been somewhat difficult for me. I entered the workplace, the world of journalism, naive and fresh out of university and my generally white, conservative, middle class world. Its been a shock. My current experiences have opened my eyes to the anti-white guilt ridden racism expressed by so many older white South Africans, often ex-struggle supporters. In addition, the latent anger expressed by some of the black youth outstrips anything I have experienced to date. Some of this I have seen inside the school and some comes from a closer scrutiny of current affairs and the media.

I despair, feeling that I’m neither wanted nor appreciated in this new South Africa. Silenced in punishment for the sins of my forefathers. Somebody even told me I am not an African. A comment that left me hurt even though I know it is a common sentiment.

But then I read pieces on the Thought Leader like that of Sandile Memela and of Khaya Dlanga and I see a differnt perpective. These are still the opinions of ordinary, albiet well informed, South Africans and I think maybe I do have a place in this society, that maybe I do have something to contribute to my country, afterall.

I was told South Africa belongs to all those who live in it. Even me.